Home NHS: Ticket to housing: No Mermaids-official: Fast read: and ET is home.

Still chucking it dahn at the Castle this morn, spent the last couple of days orf doing “things” including a couple of hours and a quid or two having my annual Cholesterol fasting blood test up at the non magical Aldershot Centre for Elf where I sat with all the other “donors” in the cellar waiting for the “cashier number 2” board to announce my ticket number, listening to some inane “local” radio station and watching the receptionists (one of whom came in late) making themselves coffee and ignoring the ever ringing phones.

Which brings me onto other bits of the nearly privatised NHS

Hospitals are likely to see ward closures and fewer beds under the Coalition’s controversial NHS reforms, Andrew Lansley has admitted.

The Health Secretary argued the coming shake-up of the NHS would lead to “better services”, as more people will be treated in the home, rather than hospitals.

He has promised to protect “frontline services”, but around 60 hospitals are suffering dire financial problems because of deals sign with private companies under Labour.

The Health Secretary said whole hospitals would not “necessarily” close down because of financial pressures gripping the NHS.

However, wards and beds may shut as more people will be treated for health problems by GPs and at home under the reforms.

“If you have more services provided in the community, you will have less happening in hospitals,” he told LBC Radio. “That may mean wards shutting down, that might mean fewer beds."

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition argues the proposed legislation will give GPs greater control over treatment and make the health service more efficient.

According to a Labour “spokesperson”

“Before the last election David Cameron promised a bare knuckle fight against hospital closures," he said. "Now that those very A&Es and maternity wards are closing one by one, it’s clear this was yet another cynical promise on the NHS.”

So keep a room spare if you ever need an operation.....but don’t worry abaht our shit for brains “leaders”, they all have BUPA.

A story for the baby boom bashers 

First orf have a read of THIS over at Orphans of Liberty.

And then peruse the story below. 

A couple who were priced out of the housing market have spent £11,000 turning a double-decker bus into a home.

The self employed auto-electrician was desperate to move in with girlfriend, Stacey Drinkwater, 20, but the young couple couldn't afford to buy anywhere.

They couldn't save enough for a deposit and found it impossible to get a mortgage from the bank as Daniel is self employed so the electrician decided to buy the double-decker bus last October despite his mum telling him it was 'barmy idea'.

Daniel and Stacey now live in the converted 1991 Leyland Olympia and say they could not be happier with their solution to the plight facing first time buyers.

The bus, which was used on routes in Dublin and East Sussex is now kitted out with a double bedroom, a twin bedroom, kitchen, TV lounge, bar, toilet and bathroom.

It has full plumbing running throughout, a 220 litre water tank, and can be connected to mains electricity to power lights and appliances.

The kitchen has a hob, cooker, fridge and a sink with running water.

The vehicle is currently based on a plot of land, which the couple rent on the outskirts of Canterbury.

 Stacey said: 'I love it.

My friends love it everyone thinks it is just a brilliant idea.

'Our mates who also struggle with high house prices even want to come and build their own house bus and live next to us.

 

So BBB’s use a bit of what is laughingly called your brain, get orf your arses and do something instead of blaming everyone else...

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration there are no Mermaids

“No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found,” the federal agency declares in a statement on its website.

NOAA, better known for issuing reports on such topics as fishery stocks and climate trends, was apparently moved to wade into the mermaid debate by an Animal Planet special that made the case for the mythical creatures’ existence. The special, called “Mermaids: The Body Found,” threw together “evidence” such as cave drawings, injuries to beached whales, and mysterious deep-ocean bloops to paint what it calls “a wildly convincing picture of mermaids, what they may look like, and why they’ve stayed hidden… until now.”

Glad that’s sorted out then....

Left a lot and dahn to the place that wants the Falklands

An Indie Argentinean publishing house has come up with an “innovative concept”, using disappearing ink that fades away in two months time.

Dubbed “El Libro que No Puede Esperar” (The Book That Can’t Wait), this “interesting” format was pioneered by independent Argentinean publishing house Eterna Cadencia, as a way to promote young authors, who ”if people don’t read their first books, never make it to a second.”

The books come sealed in a plastic wrapper, and once that is removed and the books cracked for the first time, the ink begins to age and in 60 days time readers are left with nothing but the covers and a bunch of blank pages. So if you want to get your money’s worth, you really can’t put one of these books down too often, after you’ve bought it.

Cupid stunt?

 

And finally: 

According to “experts”

There could be four intelligent alien civilizations in our galaxy.

That’ll make four then......

 

That’s it: I’m orf to paint a battery on my torch

And today’s thought:

HELP! Our horses are drowning Olympics

Angus

May-be she’s telling porkies: Three core still doesn’t get it: Smokin motor: Parting the moat: Hole in one: and an alien on ice.

Cold, dark, dingy and leafy at the Castle this morn, the study is nicely packed with defunct do-dahs and fat teenagers are sliding into the furnace like shit orf a shovel.

I see that Theresa May (be telling porkies)

Is back on the front pages after Sir Michael Scholar made a rare intervention after crime reporters were told that more cocaine and almost double the amount of heroin were detected between April and September of this year than in the whole of the previous 12 months. They held the briefing on 4 November for publication three days later.

But the department's official Statistical Bulletin showed the amount of heroin seized in England and Wales had actually halved in 2010-11 compared with 2009-10, while the amount of cocaine found was down by one-quarter.

The UKBA described the statistics as "management information" rather than fully audited figures and stood by the decision to release them.

 Lying bollocks-resign May.

And:

According to three core Cable

Motorists should not to expect “freebies” on fuel duty from the Government.

Mr Cable told the Daily Telegraph that the Government “isn't in the position to do a lot” on fuel duty. “We've got a very big budget deficit and the top priority is getting that down,” he said.

Because of changes already made by the Coalition, petrol prices are 6p a litre lower than they would have been, he said.

The Business Secretary, a Liberal Democrat, insisted that ministers have already done “quite a lot” for drivers and do not have the money for more help.

Sigh.......

And:

 

Staying with the motoring theme

According to the BMA (British Motoring Medical Association) all smoking in cars should be banned across the UK to protect people from second-hand smoke, doctors say.

The British Medical Association called for the extension of the current ban on smoking in public places after reviewing evidence of the dangers.

It highlighted research showing the levels of toxins in a car can be up to 23 times higher than in a smoky bar.

The doctors' union said an outright ban - even if there were no passengers - would be the best way of protecting children as well as non-smoking adults.

More nanny bollocks, why don’t they change tack and do something about the Piss Poor “doctors” out there that are killing and maiming patients and then walking away without any form of “punishment”.

Over to the below sea level land

Tourists are flocking to a Moses-style bridge where visitors can miraculously part the waters and walk across an historic moat.

The bridge features a sunken walkway beneath the water level surrounding a Dutch fort.

Architects were keen not to step on the toes of their forefathers by building a bridge over a moat.

Ad Kils, a spokesman for RO & AD Architects, said: 'It is, of course, highly improper to build bridges across the moats of defence works, especially on the side of the fortress the enemy was expected to appear on. That's why we designed an invisible bridge.'

The water forms part of the West Brabant Water Line, a series of moats and fortresses built in the 17th century in the south-west of the country to provide protection from invasion by France and Spain.

Falling into disrepair in the 19th century, the water line was finally restored and an access bridge was needed to Fort de Roovere.

Let’s hope there is a small boy available just in case, I Googled “finger in the Dyke” for the pic......some photos made even me blush....

Right a bit to the place where cheese has ventilation

A Swiss motorist baffled police by driving her van straight down a five foot hole surrounded by crash barriers without another single vehicle on the road.

Driver Ingrid Schneider, from Herisau, told police she'd been concentrating so hard on avoiding the roadwork’s she found herself being drawn straight towards them.

"She said the more she thought about it the closer it seemed to be dragging her in, like some kind of black hole," explained one officer.

"There wasn't another car in sight, she didn't need to swerve, and wasn't distracted. She just drove right into the middle of it."

How close to CERN is it?

And finally:

Right even more

A woman claims she has kept an alien in her freezer for two years after its module crash landed outside her house. Marta Yegorovnam wrapped the two-foot long body with a huge head and stick-like arms in plastic and hid it away.

She finally revealed her “secret” to the authorities and the pictures have sparked an internet frenzy with stargazers claiming they are proof there is other life out there.

Marta told investigators she found the alien after hearing a crash outside her home at Petrozavodsk, Russia, in 2009.

She claimed the body lay among the burning wreckage of a UFO.

Looks like son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) Osborne...

That’s it: I’m orf to get the drill out-I may be quite a while...

 And today’s thought: Q: How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

Angus

Euro empire: Not a bleedin clue: Lambo letdown: $1 history: Chevy comes home: and Brazil nuts.

‘Tis pleasantly clement at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm and dry, the elbow is getting worse and his Maj is up the flowering cherry tree.

Still here; it seems that Armageddon was yet another balls up by old fart Harold Camping

Oh well; third time lucky?

I see that yet another satellite has crashed and burned, this one is the German Roentgen Satellite (Rosat) which re-entered the Earth's atmosphere between 01:45 and 02:15 GMT this morn.

Experts calculate that perhaps as much as 1.6 tonnes of wreckage - more than half the spacecraft's launch mass - could ride out the destructive forces of re-entry and hit the planet.

It is not clear whether any pieces have yet reached the Earth's surface.

 Oh yeah-what’s this then...

And allegedly:

European Union chiefs are drawing up plans for a single “Treasury” to oversee tax and spending across the 17 eurozone nations.

The proposal, put forward by Herman Van Rompuy, the European Council president, would be the clearest sign yet of a new “United States of Europe” — with Britain left on the sidelines.

 Good.......

 

And apparently;

Dustbin diver Oliver Letwin is to beg the public for help on how to run the Government.

The Cabinet Office minister told Tory MPs earlier this year they would be “out of ideas” after 2012. Now, he and fellow Cabinet minister Francis Maude will launch a bizarre “tell us how” campaign, asking for advice on delivering better policies.

Details of the scheme emerged just days after Mr Letwin was photographed dumping sensitive ­documents in St James’s Park litter bins, across the road from his Whitehall office.

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition gets even more Piss Poorer.

 

Over to where they drive on the wrong side of the road

A $400,000 Lamborghini was left a mangled mess after a test drive through the city went horribly wrong.

The prospective buyer was behind the wheel of the white Lamborghini Gallardo when he lost control of the vehicle, hitting a barrier on the Macquarie St entry to the Cahill Expressway about 9am yesterday.

Lamborghini Sydney salesman Ian Watts, who was in the passenger seat at the time, had the nerve-racking job of calling his boss and telling him about the damage caused to the luxury vehicle.

The front of the car was a complete wreck, with the impact ripping the front right-hand wheel from its axle and the bonnet from its hinges.

Lamborghini Sydney managing director Andrew Smith said that, luckily, the car was insured.

That’s another couple of Dollars on the insurance premium then....

And in Iowa

Those interested in buying Mason City’s historic Egloff House can get it at a steal for $1. But city officials say it will cost at least $300,000 to dismantle, move and repair the flood-damaged house.

The house, built in 1939 by Dr. William C. and Margaret Egloff, was damaged in the June 2008 flooding.

Last year, the city bought it for $314,000 through a government buyout program and has been trying to find ways of saving it ever since.

The Mason City Globe Gazette reports that a study team consisting of house movers, an architect, structural engineer, architectural historian and a contractor recently determined the house can be moved.

But to do that, the family room and garage would need to be detached from the main structure.

$300,001; cheap at half the price....

Still where they drive on the wrong side of the road

A Missouri man and his beloved classic car have been reunited 16 years after the vehicle was stolen.

Edward Neeley, of Jefferson City, Mo., picked up his red 1969 Chevy Camaro in Salt Lake City on Tuesday after tracking it down in Utah last month.

Neeley contacted Utah authorities after he saw the Camaro listed for sale online, the Deseret News of Salt Lake City reported (http://bit.ly/raLn1d).

The seller, Brent Dockery of Syracuse, bought the car four years ago on eBay and also is a victim, investigators said. He was unaware its vehicle identification number had been switched.

Davis County detectives obtained a search warrant and found the authentic VIN in the door panel, which confirmed Neeley's suspicions.

After an investigation, the Utah Motor Vehicle Enforcement Division returned the car to Neeley, who was determined to be the rightful owner.

Chevy chase?

 And finally:

Brazil has been invaded

A picture which purportedly shows an alien lurking in the Amazon is being put forward as evidence that there is supernatural activity on earth.

The image, which shows an unidentified being standing with its back arched a few feet from what looks like a floating orb of light behind a group of children, was apparently taken from video footage captured by two British tourists visiting the Mamaus region of the Brazilian rainforest.

The video was obtained by noted paranormal writer Mike Cohen, who says the area is known for its 'intense UFO activity'.

He said: 'This is highly compelling footage that will be hard to discredit.

'It comes from an area known for experiencing intense UFO activity. It is rather apparent that aliens are interested in this region due to its biological diversity.

'The area was also the focus of a high-level Brazilian government investigation known as Operation Prato, where the army was sent in to monitor and confirm an alien presence in the region.'

 Absolute bollocks-everyone knows that all the aliens are in the Houses of Parliament....

 That’s it: I’m orf to hunt for the Stuxnet worm. 

And today’s thought: Very funny Scotty . . . now beam up my clothes.

  Angus

Three core Cable backs down: May-be May-be not: Holy pizza: Hop it with a fine: Dead Alien isn’t: and Fuelling a Numpty.

Yesterday’s meteorology didn’t turn out too well, it was cloudy for most of the day and cool-ish, but it did allow me to mow the grass, hedge the hedges, border the borders and shrub a few shrubs.

But today is spiffing at the Castle this morn, which will allow me to do sod all and just sit in the garden admiring my handiwork, apparently today is “Good Friday”, which didn’t turn out too well for JC, and as a sop to those who believe in such things it appears that “himself” has made a second coming on a Pizza which you can’t own by bidding on Ebay, because it has been snapped up for AU $153.

Each to his own…..slice.

Three Core Vince Cable has decided that he will stay in the Coalition Sideboard as “Business Secretary” After openly attacking the prime minister's stance on immigration and appearing alongside Mr Miliband, former Labour home secretary Alan Johnson, Green London Assembly member Darren Johnson and union leader Billy Hayes.

Not all good news then…..

And Theresa May has insisted she will not take in any of the migrants fleeing turmoil in northern Africa as concerns grow that they could head for UK shores.

The Home Secretary has told her EU counterparts that Britain is not prepared to join any “burden sharing” as tens of thousands of people cross in to Europe, The Daily Telegraph can disclose.

Italy, where the refugees are arriving on a daily basis, has urged its EU partners to help ease the pressure by accepting some of the migrants.

But at a meeting of her justice and home affairs counterparts last week Mrs May said Britain will only offer support to Italy to help deal with the issue there.

She will repeat her firm stance when the EU Justice and Home Affairs Council meet again next month.

Yeah right….why is it that I don’t believe anything the members of the Coalition Millionaires Club says?

Up North

A disabled man was given a £70 parking ticket after he pulled his car over because his false leg had fallen off.

Lee Scarrott, 47, had stopped his car to search for a suction cup that came off just before he drove away.

But he returned to find himself hit with the fine.

Mr Scarrott, who lost his right leg in a motorbike ­accident in 2007, said: “I was only gone for five minutes.”

Nottingham City Council initially rejected his appeal, but backed down when he threatened to go to the Traffic Penalty Tribunal

He will probably be targeted by the Dept of Witless Pillocks now; after all he could work as a one legged arse kicker…

Over to the cold bit of Europe

A video of the find shot by Timur Hilall, 18, and Kirill Vlasov, 19 - supposedly showing the alien's mangled body frozen in snow in Irkutsk, Siberia - became a world-wide sensation after appearing on YouTube.

Now the pair has admitted it was a prank after being quizzed by police over the stunt.

A Russian interior ministry spokesman said: 'We found the alien in one of the student's homes.

'It was lying under his bed and an examination of it revealed it had been made of bread crumbs which were then covered in chicken skin.'

Chicken shit Alien?

And finally:

Numpty-ism is a world wide affliction

Police say a Connecticut man poured about $200 worth of gasoline onto a city street then went to a scrap metal yard and tried to sell the empty container worth $60.

Emilio Valentine of Bridgeport was charged Tuesday with illegally dumping hazardous material. He was released on a promise to appear in court.

Stephen Scholz of PC Metals tells The Connecticut Post that the 52-year-old Valentine dumped the fuel as he was driving and the metal container was still dripping when he pulled into the scrap yard. Scholz told Valentine to leave.

Police say Valentine admitted dumping the gas only after failing in efforts to sell it.

The state Department of Environmental Protection cleaned up the mess.

A number for Valentine couldn’t be located.

Thank what’s his name for idiots.

That’s it: I’m orf to have a frack.

And today’s thought: "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on". - Sam Goldwyn.

Angus

A nice quiet hobby; Evening all aliens: Big Balls; No Hugging: and Anyone seen my bum?

Just got back from the local smash and grab (Tesco), what a shambles, they have decided to turn the entrance into an obstacle course with holes in the floor and a massive steel frame which looks like they are going to move the whole entrance fifteen feet outwards, went in and was confronted by Halloween stuff, fireworks and Christmas stuff (which has been there since September) staggered round avoiding the robot internet “shoppers” and their trolleys as well as the cages full of goods and the cleaning machine guided by a Russian; got my gruel and used one of the three out of six “self service checkouts” that were working.

Decided to put some liquid gold in the car, couldn’t even get onto the forecourt, they have about twenty odd pumps, six of which were working most of them were coned off so I came home, kicked the cat and threw stones at the blue tits.


I do love shopping.

The EU is impinging on our sovereign status again according to the Telegraph by forcing the UK to take a greater number of asylum seekers under EU plans that would create a Europe-wide common asylum policy with uniform criteria for deciding on cases.

Here’s a hint for any illegal if they manage to get in, buy a pet and you will be able to enjoy our high standard of living without fear of being sent “home”

Haven’t commented on the Postal strike, no point, I had a chat with my local postie yesterday; he didn’t know what was happening and likened the CWU demands to the money given to the banks, yeah right.

Enough of the ‘Real World’.


First up:

Need a nice quiet hobby, one that you can do outdoors? Try Anvil Shooting the pastime, which has a small but passionate following in the southern and western United States, is largely self-explanatory: using gunpowder to fire an anvil up to 200 feet in the air. It is also known as anvil launching and anvil firing.

There is even a world champion anvil shooter, a burly Missourian with the unlikely name of Gay Wilkinson.

It involves placing one anvil upside-down on the ground, filling a brick-shaped cavity in its underside with black powder, and then carefully – with a thick paper patch to prevent sparks – placing another on top of it.

Then the anvil-shooter lights the fuse and runs as fast as he can out of the blast radius.

Although the hefty 100lb anvil reaches an impressive height – Mr Wilkinson claims 200 feet is about the record – it tends to be return to Earth fairly close to where it started. Presumably wind drift is not a significant problem.

Watch the video, all the family can join in and your neighbours will love you, but don’t try it on your balcony if you live in a flat.

Close encounter?

A police officer contacted British UFO experts after seeing three aliens examining a freshly made crop circle near Avebury, Wiltshire.

The sergeant, who has not been named, was off-duty when he saw the figures standing in a field near Silbury Hill, and stopped his car to investigate.

However, as he approached the 'men' – all over 6ft tall with blond hair – he heard "the sound of static electricity" and the trio ran away ''faster than any man he had ever seen''.

''The figures were all over 6ft and had blond hair. They seemed to be inspecting the crop. When he got to the edge of the field he heard what he believed to be a sound not dissimilar to static electricity.

''This crackling noise seemed to be running through the field and the crop was moving gently, close to where the noise was.

''He shouted to the figures that, at first, ignored him, not glancing at him. When he tried to enter the field they looked up and began running.

''He said; 'They ran faster than any man I have ever seen. I'm no slouch but they were moving so fast. I looked away for a second and when I looked back they were gone.

''I then got scared. The noise was still around but I got an uneasy feeling and headed for the car. For the rest of the day I had a pounding headache I couldn't shift.''

Nice to see you... to see you nice.

Taking the Piss

Former Headingley Correctional Centre inmate Joseph Mason says he broke his leg playing volleyball because jail officials wouldn't give him a new pair of shoes.

Mason has filed a lawsuit against the province, alleging jail officials issued him "worn and unsafe" shoes and rejected his pleas for new ones.


According to a statement of claim filed earlier this month, Mason was playing volleyball in the jailhouse gym on Oct. 11, 2007, when he slipped on the wood floor and broke his leg.

Prisoners at the jail are not allowed to wear their own shoes and are provided jail-issue footwear.

Prior to the accident, Mason "repeatedly requested new shoes ... Each time ... his request was denied," says the statement of claim.

Mason "was told by a representative or employee of HCC that the shoes he had 'looked good' or were otherwise satisfactory."

Mason alleges the jail failed to take "reasonable or adequate measures" to ensure his safety and allowed the gym floor to "become or remain slippery and in an unsafe and dangerous condition."

Mason's lawyer David Soper declined comment on the lawsuit.

Mason is suing for general and special damages, plus costs.

If he wins they should take the cost of his prison stay out of the award.

Don’t hug these ‘hoodies’

From down under:- ADELAIDE, Australia - An Australian elementary school has banned hugging and other displays of affection between preteen boys and girls to set a good example for younger students, the principal said Tuesday.


Students at Largs Bay Primary School in the southern city of Adelaide were spoken to about "inappropriate behaviour" between boyfriends and girlfriends when the new school term opened last week, said Principal Julie Gale.

"We set strong standards of behaviour for our Year 6 and 7 students, who are seen as role models by our younger students," Gale said in a statement emailed to The Associated Press, referring to the school's oldest students, ages 11 to 13.

She said hugging between friends was not banned "but we do discourage displays of affection in the school yard among students ... who have a boyfriend or girlfriend at the school."

The hugging ban mirrors restrictions by some U.S. schools that have also outlawed hugs, kisses and physical horseplay in an attempt to prevent groping or injury and maintain the seriousness of the environment.

The Largs Bay ban came to public attention after some parents contacted the local newspaper to complain that the policy was too strict. Gale said she had not been approached by any parents about the policy.

The punishment for breaking the hug ban was not clear.

Steve Portlock of the South Australia Primary Principals Association said the policy was "common sense."

"One of the things that's important for schools to do is to talk to students about what's appropriate behaviour and what's inappropriate, whether it be about language or the things they wear and certainly in this case about the way boys and girls interact, especially when it comes to the stage of being boyfriends and girlfriends," Portlock said.

Yeah, that is really going to work isn’t it?

And finally:

This really isn’t funny but......

Is my bum down there?

A Japanese chap is a bit browned off after a hospital wrongly diagnosed him with rectal cancer, whipped out the offending section of digestive tract and fitted an artificial replacement.

According to the Mainichi Daily, the poor bloke had surgery back in March at a university hospital in western Miyazaki prefecture to remove a tumour, but subsequent tests on the excised tissue showed no signs of the suspected cancer.

The unnamed victim has now filed an action in Miyazaki District Court looking to take the hospital for 35 million yen (around £231k). A hospital spokesman confirmed: "We realise the complaint has been filed. We will take appropriate action after examining the case."


Nice to see that they did the tests after the op.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

SATURDAY SNIPPETS

First up: An Australian politician had her legs broken and stretched to become 3in taller in a bid to be taken seriously.

After nine months of excruciating pain, Hajnal Ban, 31, a councillor with Logan city council in Queensland, became a 'normal' 5ft 4in.

So she paid the Ilizarov orthopaedic clinic in Kurgan, Russia, £19,000 to break both legs in four places and stretch them slowly for 1mm every day for nine months.

She said she did not want to be remembered as "the girl who got her legs lengthened".

"I want people to take me seriously and to be known for the work I do as a politician in my local community," she said.


Blown that then haven’t you.

I love this one, it reminds me of……….ME

Real life Victor Meldrew jailed A real-life Victor Meldrew has clocked up 230 court appearances in a series of rows with bureaucrats and petty officials in Germany.

Retired teacher Dieter Koehler, 73, was this week jailed for two weeks for swearing at magistrates 66 times while fighting a court case about an earlier spat.

The grumpy pensioner - who quit teaching because he couldn't stand children - has broken all legal records in Germany where his fights with officialdom have turned him into a local hero in Hamburg.

I don’t believe it!

It’s a rock!

'Alien skull' spotted on Mars At first glance it looks like a rocky desert - but this image of the Mars landscape has got space-gazers talking.

An oddly shaped space boulder appears to show eye sockets and a nose leading to speculation it might be a Martian skull.

Previous images of a skull spotted on Mars in 2006 were believed to have been the result of tampering.

The famous Face on Mars, snapped by the Viking 1 spacecraft in 1976, which showed the shadowy likeness of a human face was late, was found to be a trick of the light when the area was re-photographed in 1998.

Softly, softly invite burglars.

Police officers use megaphones to alert residents if doors and windows open Officers have also been instructed to go into unlocked properties and alert homeowners to the security risk - even to the point of waking them up if they are asleep.

It is all part of a scheme that will see them patrolling the streets with the megaphones, shouting at homeowners to ensure their properties are properly protected.

Insp Mike Grady said: "Sadly, a good proportion of burglaries in this county take place at homes that have been left insecure.

Yes and now all the criminals in the area know where to go, obviously from the Iain Paisley school of communication.

And continuing with the police theme Police officer attacked by her own dog after being shot by robber Police dog handler Katie Johnson confronted gunman Wayne McDonald and his accomplice David Tyrell after receiving an emergency call over an armed robbery at a pub.

When McDonald blasted her in the leg with a shotgun, she set her dog Chaos on him, believing that he would save the day.

However, instead of jumping on the robber, Chaos bit WPC Johnson on the arm, allowing McDonald, 47, and Tyrell, 39 to flee the scene in Preston, Lancs.

WPC Johnson, who had only been paired with Chaos for three weeks when the incident happened, said: "I don't blame Chaos at all, dogs are dogs and not robots.

"They react to things they're trained to deal with. We train police dogs to attack offenders who are holding a gun but when we train dogs, the offenders are offering verbal aggression."

Maybe they should change the training?

And finally:

What recession?
MoD builds Afghan village in Norfolk The MoD has spent £14million building a replica Middle East settlement at Bridge Carr in the Stanford Training Area, near Thetford.

Houses are arranged around a traditional courtyard and vegetable patch and the village is populated by volunteers dressed as insurgents in traditional Taliban robes.

Islamic calls to prayer ring out from the mosque and the dusty streets are strewn with motorbikes, tyres and carts.

The smell of food cooked by the villagers wafts through the streets and synthetic aromas, such as rotten meat, are pumped out.

Designed to re-create conditions in Afghanistan, the village has been built on a 30,000 acre live fire site which covers two per cent of Norfolk.

The area was originally a replica Nazi village built in 1942 and has previously been transformed to resemble settlements in Northern Ireland and Bosnia.

Every British soldier sent to Afghanistan - an estimated 11,000 a year - will train at the facility.

Do they get much rain in Afghanistan then?

“Remember, anyone can juggle for a second.” John Alexandro King

Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

A CUNNING THEORY

I have this theory: well actually I think it was Steven Hawkin and other “Brains” who had it first-The String Theory.

Which in simple terms is: Space-time has eleven dimensions, not the three plus time that we use now.

They are sort of arranged in layers, or maybe not as in the picture above, and interconnected, each layer is I think referred to as a “Brane”.

The whole thing has something to do with gravity being “weak” or “non-existent” I think, to be honest I phased out after thirty seconds, but if you want to fry your Neurons-String (physics)

Anyway my theory is this: some years ago, during WW2 the Americans set off the first Atom Bomb, this disrupted the Space-Time Continuum and aliens from another dimension entered our world.

In the time since, they have managed to take over all the “top” jobs in the world-Presidents, Prime Ministers, Scientists , Government and all the other "Powers That Be".

And in an effort to destroy our world they have changed things so badly that they have almost succeeded with their plan.

That is the problem with our world: the aliens have taken power and are leading us down the path to oblivion.

Because I can’t see another reason for the firkin state we are in, nobody who is on the side of humanity would have taken the decisions that have been made.

Nobody that actually cares about people would destroy our civilisation by Firking up the economy and the atmosphere, by encouraging us to spend, spend, spend and keep buying millions of new cars, and take cheap flight holidays.

No one who is “Human” would allow all the pointless wars and famine and poverty that exist today.

And no one who cares would let us get as far along the road to the Apocalypse as we have travelled.

So there you have it: we are being ruled by aliens who are trying to destroy us.

And the answer to our problems? Put a proverbial “Atom Bomb” under the “leaders” by using the power of words, and send them back to their own world.


Angus